The Greatest football chant/song ever

[just]

Was enjoying a pre-match beer or six in the Trafford pub yesterday and a rousing rendition of "Chelsea Alouette" went down a storm. Now, I remember this song well from the old days and for me personally, it's probably the best song/chant I've ever heard. It always makes me chuckle. And it got me thinking today. What is your favourite football song/chant ? What one do you always want to join in with ? What one makes you laugh the most, brings back the best memories or makes the hairs on the back of your neck stand up ?

Incidentally, we do have another top funny song which many of you on here may not have heard because it is not as well known. The Bouncey song.

"If you don't do the bouncey you're a Y*d"

It is superb. And as those who are familiar with it will know, you don't just sing the bouncey you have to do it as well. The last time I saw it en-masse was in that massive beer hall in the centre of Munchen when we played Bayern the other season. It was brilliant. The locals in there couldn't believe it and some liked it so much they joined in!

I've put this in the Football forum because it doesn't have to be Chelsea. It can be anyone or any team. So come on then. What's your shout ?

 

[loz]

I was always quite keen on

'If I had the wings of a sparrow,

The dirty great arse of a crow

I'd fly over [iNSERT TEAM NAME OR GROUND NAME] tomorrow

And sh*t on the bar stewards below below

I'd sh*t on the bar stewards below'

Sung to the tune of 'My Bonnie Lies over the Ocean'

A tad primitive but effective if you get enough people singing it. I have heard it in grounds up here a fair few times back in the 90s (but not for a long time) and tried to get it going at the Bridge a few times (putting Tottenham in) but alas it went down like a lead balloon.

 

[just]

Know it well Loz. It still gets an airing every now and then in the MHL for Rottenham games.

 

[loz]

Good to know Just. I have never heard it at the Bridge but have always figured it could be a success.

 

[blue monty]

just, i was in the garden at the back of the trafford, when the done chelsea alouette, it was magic!! and the bouncy is great too,

i love a sing song, i do the mrs nut in as am always singing at home, hello hello we are the chelsea boys i like alot, see the gang do it on you tube in a german pub and it rocked, old school one here, boys in blue from div 2

follow follow follow there was only 2 mins to go

f**k i love em all, carefree, 10 men, but if i gotta pick one it would be mmmmmmm, in the pub alouette wins, in the ground the one that makes my hairs stand up on the back of my neck is, chelsea chelsea chelsea chelsea chelsea for about 20 mins, or more, love it , CAREFREE BUDDY!!! zigger zagger oi oi oi

 

[bjd]

alouette is brilliant and should get more airings, in fact iv think ive heard it more in boozers than i have at football grounds. get on the case just!

other classic chelsea songs have to include 'the blue flag' (full version!) and of course 'celery' , have to admit ive never done 'bouncy' but it sounds f**king ace!

non chelsea ? funniest i can remember was the grimsby fans in an fa cup game about ten years ago - 'We piss on your fish, yes we do, yes we do', ive always admired man utds 'giggs will tear you apart' but only because i love the joy division song, and i remember going to a Palace/Brighton game with my old man and laughing at the Palace fans singing 'we can see you holding hands', also Coventrys 'we've got Carlton Palmer he smokes marijurana' always made me laugh at lot more than it shouldve! And quite often i often find myself singing 'Nayim from the half way line'!!!

best songs however, for me belong north of the border, at Ibrox. I would post the lyrics to 'Build My Gallows' but i wouldnt want to upset anyone , so i'll go for 'Follow Follow' . Spine chilling - i simply cannot wait for July.

Though The Streets Be Broad Or Narrow,

Then Follow We Will, Follow We Will, Follow We Will,

Though The Streets Be Broad Or Narrow,

Then Follow We Will, We Will Follow In The Footsteps Of Our Team,

Follow Follow We Will Follow Rangers,

Everywhere, Anywhere We Will Follow On,

Dundee, Hamilton, even up to Aberdeen,

Should They Go To Dublin We Will Follow On,

For There's Not A Team Like The Glasgow Rangers,

No Not One, And There Never Shall Be One,

Celtic Know All About Their Troubles,

We Will Fight Till The Day Is Done,

For There's Not A Team Like The Glasgow Rangers,

No Not One, And There Never Shall Be One,

Follow Follow We Will Follow Rangers,

Everywhere, Anywhere We Will Follow On,

Dundee, Hamilton, even up to Aberdeen,

Should They Go To Dublin We Will Follow On.

 

[loz]

That is the PC version of 'Follow Follow'

You will rarely, if ever, hear the first verse and rather than 'even up to Aberdeen' you will hear 'F**k the Pope and the Vatican' although maybe a little less now UEFA are waving a big stick at Rangers.

 

[bjd]

well, you said it! like i said i didnt want to offend any forummers! ('billy boys' anyone ?!??!!!!!)

Loz do you agree that whilst Rangers are certainly no angels they always seem to take the brunt of the sh*t, from what ive seen/heard Celtic fans are just as bad but it never seems to get the press.

 

[loz]

As much as Bluebeard will disagree with me I have to say that is no longer the case. There was a time when Celtic fans also sung a lot of sectarian songs but these days they sing far far less than Rangers fans do and I would say it has been that way for some time now.

Even though my allegiances are with the Blue side of Glasgow I would have to say that in the long time I have been up here I have witnessed far more bigotry from Rangers fans than Celtic fans. Maybe not initially but certainly in the past 10 years or so.

 

[bjd]

Fair enough, you are the expert after all ! Just listening to 'Simply The Best' as we speak!

 

[loz]

I was actually discussing this very thing with a friend at work (pretty topical recently with the UEFA warnings) who goes to about 70% of Rangers games and is also in the Scotland travel club. He also admits that Rangers fans are more guilty of it these days but his take on the Celtic fans cleaning up their act is that they have done it because it makes Rangers fans look worse!

Not convinced by that argument to be honest!!

Personally I think that Celtic as a club were more committed to stamping it out than Rangers were at first and thus they have a bit of a head start. Rangers are just as committed as Celtic now but think they only paid lip service to it for a little to long. You also have to factor in that the club itself probaby has a more bigoted background than Celtic - don't forget this is a club that, for many man years, had a open policy that they would not sign a Catholic (which is why Alex Ferguson said he would never manage them even though he supported them and played for them as a boy). Celtic never had the same thing about signing Protestants.

 

[bjd]

Well there was time in the 80s when i was sure chelsea had a 'only sign sh*te players' policy but i forgave them! anyway, we are digressing (apologies just!)

another classic chelsea terrace anthem...(sort of)

'speedie, show us yer bum' (and was anyone there when he did ?)

worth a try with Shev , what do you reckon ?

hearing 'in the middle of the shed, tea bar, whitewall' etc recently at the sheff utd game bought back memories didnt it ? reminded me of being a little un and trying to peer over everyones shoulders

 

[The Moos]

"If you don't do the bouncey you're a Y*d"

Now I'm curious. I've never heard of "y*d" before.

So I have to ask you; what letter is missing and what does the word mean?

 

[Scott]

i

 

[BlueBeard]

I haven't been to see Rangers for many years now (though hopefully that will change in July!), so I can't really comment on recent levels of sectarian singing. When I've been unfortunate enough to see Septic play on TV, it seems that the vast majority of their fans still carry the Irish tricolour, and sing Irish songs - quite a few of them being anti-English/Protestant. I don't doubt that Rangers fans reply in kind! Personally, I think UEFA should keep out of it - with their pathetic liberal views, they won't be happy until they see Rangers & Celtic fans mincing along hand in hand blowing kisses at the old bill. That's not to say that I'm in favour of sectarianism, I'm not - I despise all organised religions equally.

Back to the thread! Best song?

I'd better be careful here, at the CSR piss-up I only had to mention the 'Auschwitz' song and Valerie was instantly convinced that I was a Nazi!

So, at the risk of Valerie believing me to be a mad axeman, here's one of my favourite songs

We don't carry shotguns,

We don't carry lead,

We only carry hatchets to bury in your heads

We don't carry razors,

We don't carry tools,

We only wear our bovver boots to kick you in the balls.

Haven't heard it sung for years though

"Knee's Up Mother Brown" was brilliant too. The sight of thousands of nutters jumping up and down in unison was awesome! I remember before a match at Brighton, we started singing it in a pub, and the floor gave way

Also liked "I was born under a Chelsea Shed..." sung to the tune of 'Wand'rin' Star', and "If you go up in the Shed today, you're sure of a big surprise...." to the tune of 'Teddy Bears Picnic'.

Oh, and this one:

Arsenal have Radford, and Palace have Queen,

West Ham have Geoff Hurst, and Tottenham Gilzean,

But Chelsea have Osgood, and he is the King

And also Keith Weller, the King on the wing

KEEFY, KEEFY WELLER, KEEFY WELLER ON THE WI-ING

Good days

 

[bjd]

lest we forget

It's a long way to Fulham Broadway

It's a long way to run

It's a long way to Fulham Broadway

and we'll be there before you

 

[Lofty]

In the darkest side of Liverpool

Where the Mile End's never been

Lies a chewed up body of a Scouse git

Where the North Stand's kicked him in

To hell with Liverpool

To hell with Man City

Cos we will fight, fight fight for the Ch-e-el-sea

Til we win the Football League

or ...

In your Liverpool slums

In your Liverpool slums

You look in the dustbin for something to eat

You find a dead cat and you think it's a treat

In your Liverpool slums

 

[SydneyChelsea]

We are one, but we are many

And from all the lands on Earth we come

We share a dream,

And sing with one voice

I hate, you hate, we hate Victorians...

And

Archie Thompson's illegitimate

He ain't got no birth certificate

He's got AIDS and can't get rid of it

'cause he's a Melbourne bar steward

One of my favourites is the 'Horto Magico', a real ultras-style Greek chant sung by Panathanaikos. It's so much fun, dramatic and beautifully worded, comparing football like the highs and lows of drug abuse- charming, given that we teach it to 14 year olds, you might remark!

 

[Lofty]

But seriously ...

The one that always sent shivers up my spine was the Amazing Grace Chelsea cbant.

Che-el-sea ... Che-el-sea ... Chelsea Chelsea

Che-el-sea ... Che-el-sea ... Chelsea